What is normal anyway? How to support – not compare – aesthetic journeys

It feels encoded into our DNA that we have an innate need to compare ourselves to others. Whether it is family, friends, celebrities or influences, there are plenty of people to compare ourselves to. While comparing ourselves to others is nothing new, now more than ever, we have numerous platforms that expose us to content that can give us FOMO. With information and misinformation at our fingertips, how do we tell what is normal?

What is "normal" anyway? After a plastic surgery procedure, how do you know if your recovery is progressing as it should? Instead of slinking into a bikini one day postop from a breast augmentation because that's what we see celebrities and influencers doing, how about we support each other during an aesthetic journey, not compare?

A "normal" plastic surgery recovery?

Normal. That feels like a loaded word. The technical definition of "normal" is the standard, usual or typically expected result. Yet, when it comes to the human body and recovery, there is no normal. Someone else's "normal" may be your "abnormal."

"I would say that everyone's journey is unique," said Josef Hadeed, MD, FACS.

No one's plastic surgery journey and recovery is going to look exactly like someone else's, which is why comparing journeys is potentially dangerous. Ignoring signs of infection, such as significant pain, swelling or oozing because your friend said, "Oh yeah, that's normal. I had that, and it went away," could slow your recovery and have dangerous consequences.

The other problem with normal is that normal is always evolving.

"'What is normal?' That is a question with a unique and individual answer for every person," said Karen Horton, MD, MSc, FACS. "When it comes to plastic surgery, some patients indeed want to maintain a normal appearance of their face, eyes, breasts or body."

Chasing after the latest aesthetic trends may seem like an attempt to fit in with the norm, but what happens when the trends shift?

"While the Kardashian/Jessica Rabbit hourglass figure of five years ago – or Pamela Anderson's oversized breasts from the turn of the century – were sought by many, 'reversal' procedures are now popular," said Dr. Horton. "Whether it's BBL reversal or dissolving filler, a more natural and 'normal' look is the current trend."

What is normal during plastic surgery recovery? Sometimes, it is easier to outline what is not normal. Although recovery varies depending on the procedure, some red flags you want to look for that indicate your recovery may not be normal can include:

• Significant pain or pain that does not respond to medication
• Pus or unusual discharge
• Smelly discharge
• Trouble breathing
• Fever or chills
• Redness, heat or swelling at the incision site
• Vomiting or nausea that doesn't improve
• Excessive bleeding

Following your plastic surgeon's instructions in the letter the best way to proceed with a normal recovery.

"The recovery itself after plastic surgery can be a roller coaster," said Dr. Horton.

Stay the course and contact your surgeon's office if you have any questions or concerns instead of doom scrolling social media for answers.

Supporting, not comparing, plastic surgery journeys

One of the overlooked aspects of the recovery process is the mental component of the process. Being anxious and excited about seeing the final result is natural, but recovery takes time. It is easy to get lost in our own thoughts and imagine all sorts of wild scenarios about our situation, then hit social media to compare what we are going through to what others experienced.

The problem is your journey isn't like anyone else's. Whether you know it or not, even if you and your twin sister got breast augmentation at the same time with the same surgeon and the same type of implants, you may still be comparing apples to oranges.

"It is best if people focus on their own personal growth and well-being to cultivate a healthier self-image," said Dr. Hadeed. "A healthy plastic surgery recovery involves both physical healing and mental preparation."

While it's best not to compare yourself to others, taking inspiration from others can help the surgeon see what you aspire to aesthetically.

"Setting expectations for surgery is paramount to a happy patient and successful plastic surgery practice," said Dr. Horton. "For breast procedures, I have patients bring in 'wish pictures' to help me understand their goals and what's in their mind's eye when it comes to planning their surgery."

You may think patients come in with photos of their favorite celebrities and want to get their features, but that's not really the case.

"I rarely see patients bring in a photo of someone else's face or request a celebrity's facial features," said Dr. Horton. "However, patients sometimes bring in a photo of themselves earlier on – 10 to 20 years ago – so that I can see their natural appearance when they were a little younger and to help me understand how they still see themselves in their mind - and what they hope to see in the mirror after surgery."

The "mental" part of recovery

Coping with the mental aspect of plastic surgery recovery starts with focusing on your mental health and expectations pre-surgery. Do your research, talk to your plastic surgeon and allow them to help you understand what to expect following surgery.

"Key aspects of a healthy recovery would include proper pain management, rest and a gradual increase in activity, following the specific postop instructions provided by the surgeon's office, getting proper nutrition and staying hydrated and, probably most importantly, being patient with the recovery process since swelling can linger for several months after the procedure," said Dr. Hadeed.

It's easier said than done, but now is the time to be gentle with yourself. Give your mind and body the time they need to rest and heal. Comparing yourself to others or holding yourself to an impossibly high standard doesn't help you recover – in fact, it could hinder the healing process.

"First, realize that you cannot compare yourself to anybody, period," said Dr. Hadeed. "It's probably best to limit or avoid exposure to social media, as this can oftentimes paint an unrealistic expectation of what the recovery should be. I would probably also recommend practicing self-awareness and gratitude, as these can often help with the mental aspect of the recovery process."

Recovery is the best time to go on a social media diet. Limit your exposure and instead find your favorite movies or shows to binge on, subscribe to a new streaming platform, grab a stack of books and give your mind a bit of a break from the constant dopamine hits from social media. Slowly get your body active and slow your mind with yoga or other mindful physical activities, which can support physical and mental recovery.

While it may be offered in the spirit of helpfulness, take advice from family or friends with a grain of salt. Focus on how you feel and the advice of your plastic surgeon. You need support and a shoulder to lean on, not comments from the peanut gallery.

At the end of the day, you can be your own best friend or worst enemy. Choose compassion and take care of yourself. When you stop comparing your journey to the journey of others, you'll find that your mental and physical recovery progresses more smoothly.

To find a qualified plastic surgeon for any cosmetic or reconstructive procedure, consult a member of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. All ASPS members are board certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery, have completed an accredited plastic surgery training program, practice in accredited facilities and follow strict standards of safety and ethics. Find an ASPS member in your area.